I imagine that every woman dreads the delivery of her baby at some point in the 9 month period of her pregnancy, even if just a little bit. As a first time mother, the delivery was something I prayed about often. I didn't necessarily pray for a pain-free delivery...but instead, I prayed that in my delivery I would glorify the Lord. If I could shine the light of Christ to my family that were allowed in the delivery room, and to my nurses, then what a special moment! I wanted to rely on Christ, lean on Him, and trust His plan for my birth. However, despite those prayers..I still had a birth plan in my mind..(maybe selfishly)...
My plan for delivery: un-medicated, natural delivery
What actually happened: medicated emergency c-section
Let me first say that my decision to try a natural delivery was not one that was intended to offend anyone else. I completely respect those women giving birth who choose to get an epidural, or choose to be induced, or choose to have a scheduled C-section for one reason or another. My intention here is not to elevate one delivery method over another, but instead to show how the Lord taught me about surrender in the midst of MY delivery.
It is odd that so many people voice their opinions while a woman is pregnant about how she should give birth. My decision to (attempt) a natural delivery was based on prayer and trust that my body was made to do this. I did my research. I thought out all of the options. I knew it would be painful. I am not naive. So as I share this birth story, please keep in mind that my intention is to glorify the Lord, not to bring attention to me.
My plan for delivery: un-medicated, natural delivery
What actually happened: medicated emergency c-section
Let me first say that my decision to try a natural delivery was not one that was intended to offend anyone else. I completely respect those women giving birth who choose to get an epidural, or choose to be induced, or choose to have a scheduled C-section for one reason or another. My intention here is not to elevate one delivery method over another, but instead to show how the Lord taught me about surrender in the midst of MY delivery.
It is odd that so many people voice their opinions while a woman is pregnant about how she should give birth. My decision to (attempt) a natural delivery was based on prayer and trust that my body was made to do this. I did my research. I thought out all of the options. I knew it would be painful. I am not naive. So as I share this birth story, please keep in mind that my intention is to glorify the Lord, not to bring attention to me.
Let me start by saying that I have/had the best absolute best OB. She was completely supportive of my decision to attempt a natural birth. But she was also incredibly devoted to reminding me "Ashley, the goal is to have a happy health baby...even if it does not happen the way you plan." It was a good reminder. And each time she said this, I got off my high horse and was brought back down to reality. She was right. There are reasons that interventions in the birth process must occur, and I was getting ready to fully experience that (unknowingly).
My pregnancy had been incredibly uneventful. I had no complications. In fact, the only complicating thing about this pregnancy was the fact that the baby did not want to make his appearance. I had not dilated at all up until 41 weeks. As I tell this story, I will share the details that I feel are necessary. There are youth students reading this and I want to be careful about my modesty as I share this story as well.
My doctor had me go to the hospital Sunday night, with plans to induce Monday morning if the baby hadn't made his move yet. In my birth plan, induction was not desired. I wanted the baby to come on his own. I showed up Sunday evening with my husband, and they began an IV that was simply distributing fluids in my body to keep me hydrated. The actual drug to induce wasn't going to be given until Monday morning. Well, the Lord answered that prayer because I didn't have to go as far as the induction drug.
Monday morning at around 2:00am, the nurse came in and said "Are you feeling that?" I responded with "Feeling what?" She said "The contractions, you are having a lot of them." To my surprise, I had dilated to 2 cm since I entered the hospital the previous night. This was encouraging because it was the first sign of labor that I had had in 9+ months!
At 4:00am, the nurse came back in. I had begun feeling the contractions quite a bit, and the nurse checked and charted me at 5cm. I had dilated 3cm in 2 hours! It was happening fast. I was praying through each contraction. Sometimes my prayer was simply "Jesus"...because I could not say any other words. My husband was so supportive through each contraction. He wanted to do more, but he really did enough. He believed that I could do this. He believed that I could make it through each contraction (because at some points..I wasn't sure I was going to make it! lol). Then suddenly, the contractions came full force. I'm not totally sure about the time but sometime around 5:00am, I was in severe pain. The contractions were lasting a full minute, every other minute. My body was having trouble relaxing, and because of that...the little one was having trouble as well. Each of the long contractions were squeezing my little one, and because I only had less than 60 seconds to recover I was unable to rest enough to allow him to rest. I was able to avoid the induction drug, but not the epidural. At some time around 7:00am I received the epidural in hopes of relaxing me enough to be able to relax my son between the contractions. The epidural did help with my pain, but it did not seem to help the baby. However, things were still progressing in a way that would lead me to a vaginal delivery. My mom showed up shortly after I received the epidural, and the nursing staff changed at the same time.
My new nurse's name was now Karen. She is key to this story. At around 7:30am on Monday morning, my water broke. My husband and I were so excited to meet my little one! We called the nurse, Karen, in and I was ready to push. She checked, and I had dilated to 9cm. I was ready to go! However, the nurse looked at the monitor, and looked at me, and looked at the monitor again. She began flipping me from one side to another on the hospital bed and checking the monitor. I wasn't sure what she was checking for, but I knew it wasn't good. She called for a doctor to come in, and immediately he said "We have to go, emergency C-section."
Everything in me dropped. I did not know what was happening. My only honest thought was "Either I am not going to make it, or my baby is not going to make it. But I'm not sure which one." They rushed me out of the room in my hospital bed...away from my husband and my mom (because #sterile). They took me into an operating room just next door and began to put me under. Again, I'm still not sure who is in danger here because no one is saying anything. This team was focused on their goal..which I wasn't quite sure of. I was so scared that I couldn't even think to pray. Quickly, I was asleep.
When I woke up in recovery, my husband was standing over me with tears in his eyes. The last thing I remember thinking was.."It's either me or the baby"..so when my husband was standing over me with tears in his eyes, I automatically thought that the baby didn't make it. I am not trying to be dramatic at all. It was the only thing that made sense at all. Once my husband noticed I was able to hear him, all he said was "You're okay. The baby is okay." And I just cried. I cried out of relief. I cried out of concern. I cried out of "what in the world just happened?!?" And I cried as I said "Did I just have a c-section?" And my husband said "yes." I then said, "What did I do wrong?" And the nurse, Karen, quickly said "You did absolutely nothing wrong, sweetie. The baby was in distress."
Apparently, when my water broke at 7:32am, the baby's heart tones quickly decreased. The nurse said that when this happens, it is best to get the baby out within 30 minutes for his/her safety. 7 minutes passed between the time my water broke and when the baby was delivered. 7 minutes. I attribute this quickness to the Lord's gift of Karen, the nurse, and the doctor on call that made the decision to do the surgery so quickly upon seeing my son's stats. My personal OB actually made it to the operating room in time to deliver the baby herself, which I am forever grateful for. She took great care of me, my incision, and my baby. All in a matter of 7 minutes.
My pregnancy had been incredibly uneventful. I had no complications. In fact, the only complicating thing about this pregnancy was the fact that the baby did not want to make his appearance. I had not dilated at all up until 41 weeks. As I tell this story, I will share the details that I feel are necessary. There are youth students reading this and I want to be careful about my modesty as I share this story as well.
My doctor had me go to the hospital Sunday night, with plans to induce Monday morning if the baby hadn't made his move yet. In my birth plan, induction was not desired. I wanted the baby to come on his own. I showed up Sunday evening with my husband, and they began an IV that was simply distributing fluids in my body to keep me hydrated. The actual drug to induce wasn't going to be given until Monday morning. Well, the Lord answered that prayer because I didn't have to go as far as the induction drug.
Monday morning at around 2:00am, the nurse came in and said "Are you feeling that?" I responded with "Feeling what?" She said "The contractions, you are having a lot of them." To my surprise, I had dilated to 2 cm since I entered the hospital the previous night. This was encouraging because it was the first sign of labor that I had had in 9+ months!
At 4:00am, the nurse came back in. I had begun feeling the contractions quite a bit, and the nurse checked and charted me at 5cm. I had dilated 3cm in 2 hours! It was happening fast. I was praying through each contraction. Sometimes my prayer was simply "Jesus"...because I could not say any other words. My husband was so supportive through each contraction. He wanted to do more, but he really did enough. He believed that I could do this. He believed that I could make it through each contraction (because at some points..I wasn't sure I was going to make it! lol). Then suddenly, the contractions came full force. I'm not totally sure about the time but sometime around 5:00am, I was in severe pain. The contractions were lasting a full minute, every other minute. My body was having trouble relaxing, and because of that...the little one was having trouble as well. Each of the long contractions were squeezing my little one, and because I only had less than 60 seconds to recover I was unable to rest enough to allow him to rest. I was able to avoid the induction drug, but not the epidural. At some time around 7:00am I received the epidural in hopes of relaxing me enough to be able to relax my son between the contractions. The epidural did help with my pain, but it did not seem to help the baby. However, things were still progressing in a way that would lead me to a vaginal delivery. My mom showed up shortly after I received the epidural, and the nursing staff changed at the same time.
My new nurse's name was now Karen. She is key to this story. At around 7:30am on Monday morning, my water broke. My husband and I were so excited to meet my little one! We called the nurse, Karen, in and I was ready to push. She checked, and I had dilated to 9cm. I was ready to go! However, the nurse looked at the monitor, and looked at me, and looked at the monitor again. She began flipping me from one side to another on the hospital bed and checking the monitor. I wasn't sure what she was checking for, but I knew it wasn't good. She called for a doctor to come in, and immediately he said "We have to go, emergency C-section."
Everything in me dropped. I did not know what was happening. My only honest thought was "Either I am not going to make it, or my baby is not going to make it. But I'm not sure which one." They rushed me out of the room in my hospital bed...away from my husband and my mom (because #sterile). They took me into an operating room just next door and began to put me under. Again, I'm still not sure who is in danger here because no one is saying anything. This team was focused on their goal..which I wasn't quite sure of. I was so scared that I couldn't even think to pray. Quickly, I was asleep.
When I woke up in recovery, my husband was standing over me with tears in his eyes. The last thing I remember thinking was.."It's either me or the baby"..so when my husband was standing over me with tears in his eyes, I automatically thought that the baby didn't make it. I am not trying to be dramatic at all. It was the only thing that made sense at all. Once my husband noticed I was able to hear him, all he said was "You're okay. The baby is okay." And I just cried. I cried out of relief. I cried out of concern. I cried out of "what in the world just happened?!?" And I cried as I said "Did I just have a c-section?" And my husband said "yes." I then said, "What did I do wrong?" And the nurse, Karen, quickly said "You did absolutely nothing wrong, sweetie. The baby was in distress."
Apparently, when my water broke at 7:32am, the baby's heart tones quickly decreased. The nurse said that when this happens, it is best to get the baby out within 30 minutes for his/her safety. 7 minutes passed between the time my water broke and when the baby was delivered. 7 minutes. I attribute this quickness to the Lord's gift of Karen, the nurse, and the doctor on call that made the decision to do the surgery so quickly upon seeing my son's stats. My personal OB actually made it to the operating room in time to deliver the baby herself, which I am forever grateful for. She took great care of me, my incision, and my baby. All in a matter of 7 minutes.
Where was God in this? Almost everything I prayed against in this delivery had actually happened. My husband and I didn't get to see our son be born into this world. My husband didn't get to cut the umbilical cord. I didn't even get to touch my baby until 48 hours after delivery, and I didn't get to hold him until 60 hours after delivery (due to me being in recovery from surgery and the boy being in the NICU). There were so many things that I felt I missed out on because of the way the delivery happened. So, where in the world was God? Did He not hear my prayers?
God was near to me as soon as I entered the hospital that night. If I had begun these contractions at home, I am not sure how different the outcome would have been. I thank God for His protection! He knew I needed to be in the hospital that night. Even though the intention was to induce, the Lord had a different reason for me being there. My husband became like Christ to His Bride, the Church, as he spoke truth over me during my contractions. He served me in a way I had never seen him serve me before, and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that the Lord used the person I love the most on this earth to show God's love and grace. If I had not gotten the epidural, I wonder what the outcome would have been. I know that probably helped as they prepped me for the C-section. I thank the Lord for His protection! Karen, the nurse, was so quick to act as soon as she saw my monitor, and I am forever grateful for that. I know that the Lord placed those nurses and doctors there in that exact moment to protect me and my baby. I experienced first hand the excellent care that health professionals can give. I really had the best team.
You see...everything is about perspective. I could dwell on the first set of wishes, but that would be giving a foothold to the Devil. Instead, I choose to surrender my original birth plan to my God because He knows all. He taught me grace in this season. And for that, I am grateful.
God was near to me as soon as I entered the hospital that night. If I had begun these contractions at home, I am not sure how different the outcome would have been. I thank God for His protection! He knew I needed to be in the hospital that night. Even though the intention was to induce, the Lord had a different reason for me being there. My husband became like Christ to His Bride, the Church, as he spoke truth over me during my contractions. He served me in a way I had never seen him serve me before, and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that the Lord used the person I love the most on this earth to show God's love and grace. If I had not gotten the epidural, I wonder what the outcome would have been. I know that probably helped as they prepped me for the C-section. I thank the Lord for His protection! Karen, the nurse, was so quick to act as soon as she saw my monitor, and I am forever grateful for that. I know that the Lord placed those nurses and doctors there in that exact moment to protect me and my baby. I experienced first hand the excellent care that health professionals can give. I really had the best team.
You see...everything is about perspective. I could dwell on the first set of wishes, but that would be giving a foothold to the Devil. Instead, I choose to surrender my original birth plan to my God because He knows all. He taught me grace in this season. And for that, I am grateful.